Post No. 007: When I Was Nowhere To Be Found, Part 7 — Moonset

(Image from Astro Bob)

Moonset

Watching
the almond
slivered moon
slice quietly
through
night,
like a
Ginsu knife into
devil's food
cake,
I hold
audience
beneath a
coven of
stars
conferring
above
the boulevard.

Through a
tainted skyline,
the lunar mistress
descends
midnight;
her ivory
negligee
tarnishes
to beige,
then
to ocher,
then to
umber,
like a
croissant
overbaking
in the oven.

-Paul Whiting
(a.k.a., Small All White in the Forest)
"I am no barrier to its sun; the light and I are as one!"
My Poetic Notes:

The reason that I wrote this poem can be summed up with the following statement: I was inspired to write this poem based upon one of the many times that I used to spend driving in my car for "personal solitary time." And, sometimes, I would drive to Wasatch Boulevard (which is a road that overlooks the Salt Lake Valley—and that also runs along side a small stretch at the end of the Rocky Mountains) and I'd park there just to enjoy the view.

And—one night—I saw the most incredible crescent moon that I had ever seen! So, I watched transfixed as the moon was setting, until it had totally disappeared behind the horizon. And the moon changed color, while descending, as "The Lunar Mistress" passed through the many layers of atmosphere near the horizon. And I was so moved by the moon's beauty that I wrote this poem.

And this poem was also published on my "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer" blog (please see the hyperlink below for the blog), since I feel that the message in this poem applies to the message that I am trying to convey through "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer."

This poem was written in Salt Lake City, Utah.

-Paulee

https://paulwhitingwriting.blogspot.com

This "Small All White in the Forest" Post No. 007 was edited on January 17th, 2023.

"Poetry is using the fewest words possible in order to describe all that is possible to describe." –Paul Whiting [June 1st, 2022]

Post No. 006: When I Was Nowhere To Be Found, Part 6 — I Lost My Receipt

(Image from Air Plant Design Studio)

I Lost My Receipt

What will I do with my creative gifts?

I don't think I can exchange them
for a videocassette recorder,
or even a microwave oven.
They might clash with the wallpaper,
even framed in full museum mounting.
Most likely, they will fade in the
window sill under the suburban sun.
They probably won't look good on
the coffee table with a nice plant.

Damnit! Guess I'll have to haul them
out into the world and use them...

-Paul Whiting
(a.k.a., Small All White in the Forest)
"I am no barrier to its sun; the light and I are as one!"

My Poetic Notes:

The reason that I wrote this poem can be summed up with the following statement: This poem discusses how my entire life, I have had a difficult time not knowing what to do with my "gifts" as a writer and artist. For some reason, I have always felt that being an artist was being a kind of "failure."

My guess is that this has a lot to do with what is considered normal in our culture: getting a "regular job" (which you probably don't really like anyway) and then retiring after so many years, without necessarily having expressed your "True Desires in Life!"

By the way, for those of you who are familiar with what a videocassette recorder (VCR) is, this poem should be like a walk down 1980's memory lane! Plus, microwave ovens had just become popular, so that's another stroll down the 1980's memory lane...

...It's time to put on your sweatbands and excercise in your spandex to a video, starring some celebrity health guru, that you bought on television from an infomercial. (Woohoo!)

And this poem was also published on my "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer" blog (please see the hyperlink below for the blog), since I feel that the message in this poem applies to the message that I am trying to convey through "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer."

This poem was written in Salt Lake City, Utah.

-Paulee

https://paulwhitingwriting.blogspot.com

This "Small All White in the Forest" Post No. 006 was edited on January 15th, 2023.

"Poetry is using the fewest words possible in order to describe all that is possible to describe." –Paul Whiting [June 1st, 2022]

Post No. 005: When I Was Nowhere To Be Found, Part 5 — Toasting Quietly

(Image from Complete Electrical Solutions)

Toasting Quietly

Toasting quietly under
midnight's citrus sun to
graceless bats singing
their hunter's song, while
I am trying to learn from
the chattering lights
the words to flood from
my eyes some night.

-Paul Whiting
(a.k.a., Small All White in the Forest)
"I am no barrier to its sun; the light and I are as one!"

My Poetic Notes:

The reason that I wrote this poem can be summed up with the following statement: I wrote this poem while I was really struggling with coming out of the proverbial closet as being gay to my dad! So, I would spend a lot of time driving in my car, trying to "process the feelings" that I was having.

In fact, I would often spend time in parking lots at night under those orange-colored sodium lights ("Toasting quietly under midnight's citrus sun..."), where I could hear bats flying overhead, while they were eating the insects that were circling around the parking lot lights ("...to graceless bats singing their hunter's song..."), while I was hearing Barbra Streisand's album "Yentl" play on my car stereo and, specifically, while I was listening to the song, "Papa Can You Hear Me?"

And while I was listening to the music, the sodium parking lot lights would buzz, like they were talking—or, "chattering," so to speak—as I was imagining how I was ever going to tell my dad that I was gay ("...trying to learn from the chattering lights..."), and as I was imagining that I would be crying profusely when I finally did tell him that I was gay ("...the words to flood from my eyes some night..."), since my dad was really homophobic—until he finally found out, years later, that I was gay.

Just so you know, I revised this poem, as I often do with my writing! And I changed how this poem was written when I was editing it on my "Small All White in the Forest" and "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer" blogs. So, I wanted to show you how this poem used to be written, before I revised it as above.

And it used to be written like this:

Toasting Quietly

Toasting quietly under
midnight's citrus sun to
graceless bats singing
their hunter's song;
trying to learn from the
chattering lights, the
words to flood from
my eyes some night.

Thus, I revised this poem to be written as it is above.

And this poem was also published on my "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer" blog (please see the hyperlink below for the blog), since I feel that the message in this poem applies to the message that I am trying to convey through "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer."

This poem was written in Salt Lake City, Utah.

-Paulee

https://paulwhitingwriting.blogspot.com
This "Small All White in the Forest" Post No. 005 was edited on September 7th, 2023.

"Poetry is using the fewest words possible in order to describe all that is possible to describe." –Paul Whiting [June 1st, 2022]

Post No. 004: When I Was Nowhere To Be Found, Part 4 — Knowledge is Hell

(Image from AlJumuah Magazine)

Knowledge is Hell

I am in an unfortunate
predicament:
I am aware.

I have knowledge
of what I am and
of what I can be.
I would rather embrace
ignorance,
be raptured in simplicity,
have an orgasm
over naivety.

I have been instilled
by the creator of my soul
with an iridescent desire
for creativity, beauty
and art—an aesthetic
enthusiasm
that is
much like the fire
that most men are
consumed by
for beer,
football
and sex
with ladies
burdened by
megalo-mammaries.

-Paul Whiting
(a.k.a., Small All White in the Forest)
"I am no barrier to its sun; the light and I are as one!"

My Poetic Notes:

The reason that I wrote this poem can be summed up with the following statement: I must confess that I wrote this poem to vent my frustration toward heterosexual men, since they seem to "have everything" in terms of knowing what is expected of them: in other words, "Beer, Babes and Football." And I always felt like I had to struggle just to know who I was! (I think that I have "straight envy" issues.)

And the reason that I mention that "I would rather embrace ignorance, be raptured in simplicity, have an orgasm over naivety" is due to my perception that a lot of straight men seem to "bask in their heterosexual ignorance," as if they have accomplished something just by being straight. Is it too obvious that I have a lot of issues with being gay?

Just so you know, I revised this poem, as I often do with my writing! And I changed how this poem was written when I was editing it on my "Small All White in the Forest" and "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer" blogs. So, I wanted to show you how this poem used to be written, before I revised it as above.

And it used to be written like this:

Knowledge is Hell

I am in an unfortunate
predicament:
I know.

I am entirely aware
of what I am and can be.
I would embrace
ignorance,
be raptured in simplicity,
have an orgasm
over naivety.

I have been instilled
with an incandescent desire
for creativity, beauty
and art—an aesthetic
enthusiasm
that is
much like the fire
that most men are
consumed by
for football,
beer
and sex
with ladies
burdened by
megalo mammaries.

Thus, I revised this poem to be written as it is above.

And this poem was also published on my "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer" blog (please see the hyperlink below for the blog), since I feel that the message in this poem applies to the message that I am trying to convey through "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer."

This poem was written in Salt Lake City, Utah.

-Paulee

https://paulwhitingwriting.blogspot.com

This "Small All White in the Forest" Post No. 004 was edited on September 7th, 2023.

"Poetry is using the fewest words possible in order to describe all that is possible to describe." –Paul Whiting [June 1st, 2022]

Post No. 003: When I Was Nowhere To Be Found, Part 3 — Sandbags

(Image from Oliver's Twisty Tales)

Sandbags

I am weary of being me,
tired of being
myself.
I feel like
I am eighty years old,
not twenty years old.

My body aches to understand
all
of the
pain and
pleasure of being alive:
living on my own;
living for my art;
living from my art;
making love;
making hate;
I want to experience!

My mind, unfortunately, thinks
that
it has
lived this life
already and is
too weary to play anymore.

My mind has analyzed,
calculated,
criticized,
exorcised,
pasteurized
and eliminated
all of the possibilities.

My spirit, though, is a feisty
son
of
a
bitch!

And my spirit
can pull my mind
to higher places, like
a hot air balloon pulls the
sandbags trying to hold it down.

-Paul Whiting
(a.k.a., Small All White in the Forest)
"I am no barrier to its sun; the light and I are as one!"

My Poetic Notes:

The reason that I wrote this poem can be summed up with the following statement: I wrote this poem when I was really frustrated with feeling as if "I had lived this life already," which probably has something to do with My Karma.

And I was tired of playing the same old game: I felt like I had already "been there, done that!"

At the same time, however, I still felt as if I was being "pulled by my spirit to higher places" in order to overcome any doubt and to keep plugging away at my lifelong desire to become an artist.

Just so you know, I revised this poem, as I often do with my writing! And I changed how this poem was written when I was editing it on my "Small All White in the Forest" and "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer" blogs. So, I wanted to show you how this poem used to be written, before I revised it as above.

And it used to be written like this:

Sandbags

I am weary of being me; tired of
being
myself.
I feel like
an eighty-year-old twenty-year-old.

My body aches to understand
all
of the
pain and
pleasure of being alive:
moving out, living from my
art, living for my art, making love,
making hate. I want to experience!

My mind, unfortunately, thinks
that
it has
lived a life
already and
is too weary to play anymore.

My mind has analyzed,
calculated,
criticized,
exorcised,
pasteurized
and eliminated
all of the possibilities.

My spirit, however, is a feisty
son
of
a
bitch,
and it pulls my
mind to higher places,
like a hot air balloon pulls the
sandbags trying to hold it down.

Thus, I revised this poem to be written as it is above.

And this poem was also published on my "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer" blog (please see the hyperlink below for the blog), since I feel that the message in this poem applies to the message that I am trying to convey through "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer."

This poem was written in Salt Lake City, Utah.

-Paulee

https://paulwhitingwriting.blogspot.com

This "Small All White in the Forest" Post No. 003 was edited on September 7th, 2023.

"Poetry is using the fewest words possible in order to describe all that is possible to describe." –Paul Whiting [June 1st, 2022]

Post No. 002: When I Was Nowhere To Be Found, Part 2 — Acquaintance

(Image from Taste of Home)

Acquaintance

You may not come in:
For, I am completely content
being inside of myself.

Besides, guests require
picking up after,
and I prefer my soul
well-disheveled.
If you were to see me
organized, you'd never stop
expecting perfection.

But let me have the keys to
you, though, so I can
vacuum up those troubles
and Lemon Pledge
that melancholy away.
I'll even supply hot coffee
and glazed advice.

Still, you may not come in,
because I do not want to
clean out my closets.

-Paul Whiting
(a.k.a., Small All White in the Forest)
"I am no barrier to its sun; the light and I are as one!"

My Poetic Notes:

The reason that I wrote this poem can be summed up with the following statement: This poem was an homage to my joy of being an introvert.

This poem was also "tipping my hat" toward my tendency to offer "advise" to others, whether they need it or not!

Also, I feel like this poem speaks to the way that I seem to keep my own "skeletons in the closet," so to speak, at the same time that I am "more-than-happy" to pull out everyone else's skeletons into the bright light of day.

And this poem was also published on my "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer" blog (please see the hyperlink below for the blog), since I feel that the message in this poem applies to the message that I am trying to convey through "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer."

This poem was written in Salt Lake City, Utah.

-Paulee

https://paulwhitingwriting.blogspot.com

This "Small All White in the Forest" Post No. 002 was edited on January 9th, 2023.

"Poetry is using the fewest words possible in order to describe all that is possible to describe." –Paul Whiting [June 1st, 2022]

Post No. 001: When I Was Nowhere To Be Found, Part 1 — Awakening

(Image from OpenResources.org)

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is now: 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: "If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States." Dial 988

Awakening

I can no longer be
detached
from the suffering, like
a father
who feels the welts
he paints on the
bare behind
of his son only through
a distant sympathy.

I have observed myself
like a viewer does
the figure in an
Edward Hopper painting
—from an indifferent
perspective—
and ignored my emotional
seclusion.

I could never see myself
in my artwork;
and now
that I can
it terrifies me:
all of my paintings,
poems and personalities
were and attractive facade.

I can no longer run...

I am rapidly being
confronted with
myself—
an awakening volcano of
reality.

And I can no longer consider ending my own life...

-Paul Whiting
(a.k.a., Small All White in the Forest)
"I am no barrier to its sun; the light and I are as one!"

My Poetic Notes:

The reason that I wrote this poem can be summed up with the following statement: This is a poem that I wrote, back in college, while I was experiencing depression.

And I found myself finally having to confront the feelings that I had been running away from my entire life: that I was gay and there was nothing I could do to change that! And even though I was suicidal at the time, I realized that ending my life would be completely pointless; and that is why I finally sought counseling to deal with my issues. And so, this is the poem that started my "career," so to speak, as a writer!

And this poem was also published on my "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer" blog (please see the hyperlink below for the blog), since I feel that the message in this poem applies to the message that I am trying to convey through "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer."

This poem was written in Salt Lake City, Utah.

-Paulee

https://paulwhitingwriting.blogspot.com

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is now: 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: "If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States." Dial 988

This "Small All White in the Forest" Post No. 001 was edited on June 17th, 2023.

"Poetry is using the fewest words possible in order to describe all that is possible to describe." –Paul Whiting [June 1st, 2022]